If telling my story and experiences to everyone I know and the rest of the world means that I am able to help at least one woman or young lady, then it is definitely worth every word I type, even though it’s hard to write. I was raped, stalked and sexually harassed by more than one “man” and multiple times by each. I never even attempted to press charges because what proof did I have other than my word? Many victims, including myself, are not emotionally and physically capable of speaking the truth of what happened until years later.
My first story of rape dates back to my senior year of high school, when I was duped into going to the guy’s home when he said his parents were there. I told him that I was not comfortable doing this, said “no” multiple times and tried to physically push him off. He took my virginity from me and did not think the least of it. It was a miracle I did not get pregnant from him since he refused to at least use a condom.
After graduating, I was sexual harassed and stalked by a co-worker, and ended up having to quit my job to get away from him. Today I realize that these two experiences left me with me low expectations of men and little hope of finding someone decent.
Then I met a man online who chatted with me and talked to me like I was queen of the world. I felt so special and loved. However, he was not my prince charming. He was the beginning of a whole new invisible life for me where no one knew the horror I was living.
I ended up becoming one of “those” people, you know, the type who meets someone on the internet and wants to work really hard to make sure it works out so that we can say we have a successful online love story. We met in person not long after I moved to Texas to attend a dog trainer’s academy. We seemed to get along fairly well. After a couple different times of him driving four hours to come see me, I decided to take a free weekend from the academy, pack up my dogs, and road trip four hours to go see him and meet his family. I stayed in a hotel room and he invited himself to stay with me in the room. Other than sleeping, nothing happened that weekend, which gave me the false sense that he was safe.
We dated like this until the end of my time at the academy. One day, he gave me a ring and told me that he wanted to get married. We moved in together as soon as I graduated because I could not yet afford to live on my own fresh out of school with no job. Besides, I thought, we were promised to be married. What harm could possibly be done?
At first, things were ok. I got a job grooming and training show steers at the ranch where he was working. We woke up together, drove to work together, worked together, went home together, and went to bed together. Life turned sour very quickly as I found that he was really hard to please. I thought of breaking up with him, trying to consider my options.
However, my parents found out we were living together, sat us down and convinced us to either move into separate places or marry right away. I felt so guilty and wanted to redeem myself to my parents, so we did elope, even though I knew things weren’t good. That was my opportunity to get out of there and my deepest regret was making the wrong choice.
My life got worse with him not just yelling at me and blaming everything on me, but also throwing things at me, and then forcing himself on me. My past experiences led me to feel like this is as good as it gets. I knew we had good days and some fun times, and thought I just needed to endure these bad times. I didn’t understand why guys behaved like that.
On several occasions, he would completely lose his temper and hit me. I caught him cheating several times too, but then he blamed me for it. Even when I tried to go in the bedroom and lock the door, he would bang on the door yelling and pick the lock. I tried going into the closet and holding the door shut or hiding but that never worked out either.
I eventually realized that if he wanted sex, I would at least try to say “no” and then I would just give in just to not be physically hurt. What was the point of fighting anymore? He was physically stronger than me and had already broken me down emotionally.
About a month before we moved to my hometown together, he had forced himself on me, but I had my monthly cycle just a day or two after so there was no way I was pregnant right? After moving, I was having cramping and pain which we thought was associated with a previous problem I had experienced. My mom took me to the OB/GYN and they performed an ultrasound. The technician turned on the big screen, pointed to a small glob which vaguely resembled a tiny human and then said, “Look! There is baby!”
I was shocked. I was scared. I knew that this was no life for a baby or child, but I would never murder a human being just because of my own life experiences and current situation. This baby instantly became my motivation for a better life because it was no longer just my own well being to be concerned about.
A few days later, I told him I wanted a divorce. He thought I was joking at first. He soon realized I was not and was mad, but thankfully left back for Texas the next day instead of sticking around. I have not seen him since then, and we went through with the divorce, which could not be finalized until the baby was born.
For several months, he harassed me through calls, texts, Facebook, and email. I had to repeatedly block him, and change my email and phone number, until I made a police report just to have record of the harassment. The officer called him personally and told him that if he continued, then a warrant for his arrest would go out. I didn’t have a problem after that.
My beautiful son was born healthy at 8 lbs. and 21 inches long. My ex-husband never showed up to the hospital and has never bothered to see, hear, or talk to him and does not send gifts or cards. My son was born with developmental issues, which did not become apparent until he was just over a year old. He is now almost three years old. We struggle daily with his developmental and health problems, but I love him so very much and he is the light of my life. My sweet boy now has an amazing daddy who walked into our lives when he was just three months old. He is the only daddy my son has ever known.
I do not see rape or bad life events when I look at my son. I see a smart, funny, and very goofy little boy who is enjoying life and knows that his family loves him. My sweet boy may have been conceived in rape, but he was carried with love and is guided through life by two very loving and supportive parents.
BIO: Leah Christine is a wife, stay at home mother of 2, and now a pro-life blogger for Save The 1 as a mother from rape. She resides in Springfield , Missouri where she enjoys spending time outdoors with her family.
